I need to vent, I have been getting so down about Michael lately and need to get it off my chest.
I've been trying to get angry about Murray and I thought I was, but I realised I just can't. I don't know if I'm just numb to anything but feeling down about Michael, maybe I'm just not over his death enough to feel otherwise. I saw Murray on the news and they showed that footage of him when he made that video declaring his innocence. Instead of being infuriated I just burst into tears because feel so much pity for him.
I can't look at pictures of Michael without thinking that this person is gone, I keep getting the thought into my head 'he doesn't know that someone is going to kill him one day'.
I am just fed up with everything, it is so exhausting supporting Michael. I really want the allegation rumours to end, I'm tired of the jokes. Even if the jokes continued after he was proven innocent that wouldn't bother me because I'd know the truth. It just kills me because I know how stupid I'd look if my beliefs were proven 'otherwise'. But then I look at Michael and can't see it, I don't know what it is that makes people think he's so guilty. Right now I'm just dying to get a tattoo to remember Michael but I just cannot bring myself to do it until the truth comes out. Feel free to get mad and protest that I truly don't care, I'm not going to lie about how I feel.
The other night I was wallowing in my misery while watching one of Michael's concerts and something suddenly struck me. I almost felt as though I truly saw Michael, it wasn't just the singing and dancing. Michael just looked so alone in front of the thousands of people, like this was the life he was obliged to live. And of course I burst into tears. It just depresses me to think how tortured he must have been, to be ridiculed and watched his entire life, to have to create a completely different world so that he could create some normality. And to have issues with his skin, lupus, being burned, and the surgery all in front of people.
I can't stand the thought of Michael being so alone. I just wish I knew he was okay. Is that selfish of me? To want to know that he is still around so that I can feel better when I am really an unimportant aspect of his life, we've never met, we had no relationship. Was Michael obliged to say he loved me as a fan purely because I supported him?
Today I couldn't stop thinking about Michael. I'm usually able to distract myself with a book or whatnot.. but nothing worked. For the first time I've put on the Bucharest Tour and it's been hard. You can see how he loves being on the stage and loves his fans but I agree with above, there are times when he looks ever so lonely. Although everyone in the audience loved him he didn't know their names, where they were from.. all of that. I can't understand how it must've been like to deal with that.
But yeh. I don't have anyone to talk to about this so I'm just venting here. I miss him so much. When he announced all the shows I had a feeling something would go wrong like he'd make himself ill or something (it's a LOT of shows!) or it just wouldn't work out for some reason.. I never ever thought it'd be like this. I would've seen him two weeks ago. I love him, I miss him, and I feel so lost when reality time and time again hits me.
I hear you Privacy.
I usually leave my radio on when I leave for work.
When I came home today, I heard the very beginning of IJCSLY.
I was so stunned and sad, I couldn't even cry.
What I wouldn't give to come home everday and have his voice be the first thing I hear.
Sorry, have only come back to this thread as I am wallowing in grief again. Flicking through the tv and saw a Britain's Got Talent style competition with two Michael Jackson dancers, father and son. They were absolutely amazing and it made me so happy/sad at the same time to see the entire audience stand up and clap.
It hurts so much inside that he's never coming back.
Sometimes I can listen to music but recently anything of his makes me sob.
sunshine I'm afraid I don't know a missy I recognise the name but don't recall talking to her. I only know quite old members from here x
In just a few more hours it'll be a year since Mike left us all.. I cried twice already since the other day and NOT A SINGLE DAY that I didn't THINK of the man--- I missed my brother and I missed Michael as well.. *sigh* Almost a year and we are still here because we tried ad strived hard to be strong and alive for Mike (and for our own family). I just want to let you know guys that not just because we became friends on the net we have to take it for granted-- PLEASE don't ever think that way... I will forever treasure this because I have gained more friends not because of Mike's passing but because we are on MJ fan community even when he was still alive but his death brought us all more and more closer, it shouldn't be the caused though so we can become more closer with each other, it's really sad but that's what I have felt----- still, thanks to all of u guys! :mjeol2 and Thanks to all the mods and administrator of this site and the rest of you!
Love you again guys! All for Mike! **group hug** :mjeol2 :mjeol2
You get those who chide, try to belittle us and defame Michael. They say he is not worthy of the love, that there are more worthy causes than he. They do not understand. Michael is not a cause, in many ways he is as alive today as he was yesterday. He has inspired and influenced more people than any other man, save one or two. His physical absence is felt by more than most will be. He is part of the fabric of our lives. And he continues to draw those who did not know of Michael....the Man into a loving and everlasting bond.
Michael Jackson saved my life. I made a promise I intend to keep. There is no where I rather be than by his side.
I just came from Geraldine Hughes Blog. I want to sit in the middle of the floor and cry.
It seems no matter how hard I fight for him, how much I study the cases and the destroyers, it is not enough, not going to be enough. Sometimes it seems like there are forces so evil working to diminish this man it is surreal, unimaginable.
Channel your pain through doing good, like Michael would have wanted. Michael was trying to tell us about climate change, that we had four years left to make things better before really bad things happen to the Earth, and to all of us. Check these out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qoYuK8Z4PI
Do what Michael wanted us to do, what he was trying to say to do in This Is It. This will give us all meaning and he can work through us for peace.
I just cried earlier again for Michael.... I am again missing the man... WHY IS IT STILL SO FRESH???! I have accepted the FACT that he's GONE FOREVER but the hurt I am feeling of him being gone is still so fresh.... *sigh*