I got the job that I wanted. I'm excited but...unsure now. My first day of work I was being trained by a woman older than me. I was having fun learning the new tricks of this new job. It was exciting. I'm not exactly a loud person. I don't have a loud voice. My voice is very low. And I tend to smile a lot. She told me, "C'mon don't be so shy." So I feel so ...I don't know. I was fine but she got the impression that I was nervous. But, I wasn't. And NOW I am feeling a little down. I feel like I'm not going to do well at my job. I used to have a really hard time talking to people. I speak but my voice comes out so soft spoken or broken people mistake it for weakness. I am really shy in real life but I don't let it affect my work. It's like...if you hear something enough you start to believe it. When I am told I am shy I get shy and I get nervous and I smile a lot and laugh. You can hear the nervousness in my laugh. It used to pain me to make eye contact with people. I can make eye contact now and start convo's with random people.
I feel like they won't keep me there in the future. I keep thinking they're going to say, "Oh no she is too shy, she's not cut out for this job. She can't do nothing right," one day. Today was my second day and it was cool. I'm still in training so I haven't been so hands on yet with anything. I just feel unsure.
Plus, it doesn't help that people keep reminding me that I am small. I am really short. I am like 4 9' or something like that. It's like....people have to remind me. My first day of work this customer reminded me like 3 times that I am short. My trainer said to me after the customer left, "Ok did he have to keep reminding you of your height?" I just told her it's okay I'm used to it. I know that I'm short. Every single fellow employee that I have run into have commented about my smallness. It's always the 3 sayings for me. Always. "Wow you're small! How old are you?? You look like you're 11!" People act like I should be shocked or that I don't know that I am petite. It really...almost ...well it does hurt my feelings very much. How would they feel if I said, "Wow you are fat! You look like you're 80!" or "Wow you're tall! Can birds sit on you from up there?!" I've had men get mad at me when I don't take their comments as 'compliments'. This man once said I look like a little 10 year old girl and got mad and offended and pretty much called me stupid when I didn't like his 'compliment.' It just aggravates me. It's like...leave me alone. I just don't even say anything anymore. I let them laugh and or get shocked at my smallness, and I tell them my age and hear this big deal about how I don't look my age and how I don't even look old enough to work there. After one time it's okay but constantly? Gimme a break. I've been hearing it for years. People have seen how I have changed physically. Maybe not by height but by other obvious things.
Agh. Sorry. Kinda long. Just feeling very down.
I feel like they won't keep me there in the future. I keep thinking they're going to say, "Oh no she is too shy, she's not cut out for this job. She can't do nothing right," one day. Today was my second day and it was cool. I'm still in training so I haven't been so hands on yet with anything. I just feel unsure.
Plus, it doesn't help that people keep reminding me that I am small. I am really short. I am like 4 9' or something like that. It's like....people have to remind me. My first day of work this customer reminded me like 3 times that I am short. My trainer said to me after the customer left, "Ok did he have to keep reminding you of your height?" I just told her it's okay I'm used to it. I know that I'm short. Every single fellow employee that I have run into have commented about my smallness. It's always the 3 sayings for me. Always. "Wow you're small! How old are you?? You look like you're 11!" People act like I should be shocked or that I don't know that I am petite. It really...almost ...well it does hurt my feelings very much. How would they feel if I said, "Wow you are fat! You look like you're 80!" or "Wow you're tall! Can birds sit on you from up there?!" I've had men get mad at me when I don't take their comments as 'compliments'. This man once said I look like a little 10 year old girl and got mad and offended and pretty much called me stupid when I didn't like his 'compliment.' It just aggravates me. It's like...leave me alone. I just don't even say anything anymore. I let them laugh and or get shocked at my smallness, and I tell them my age and hear this big deal about how I don't look my age and how I don't even look old enough to work there. After one time it's okay but constantly? Gimme a break. I've been hearing it for years. People have seen how I have changed physically. Maybe not by height but by other obvious things.
Agh. Sorry. Kinda long. Just feeling very down.
