Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 12:31 am
Yesterday night, after having a totally fun day, I went to bed and found myself waking up about 5 hours later to a horrid nightmare, it was just terrible. I wasn't in a bad or soggy mood or anything like that. At it's basics, the nightmare didn't have a beginning and not really any middle either- it started late almost towards it's ending (like a movie that played but I missed most of it), and my significant friend and I were together walking into a white, huge room, like Costco-esque, as if we were there to shop out that day for clothes or house furniture, and we walked to the center, it wasn't really furnished with anything, there was a huge ceiling-to-floor wide window showing dim raininess outside. Then I couldn't see who's face it had, but a man in a long darkish trenchcoat held up a gun walking towards us from a long distance pointing it at us, I started screaming, and he shot my friend once in the crook of his neck off the shoulder, I screamed, then he dropped and the man walked up to him lying there and shot him straight in the side of head, and obviously my brain was computing to me that "Is he dead?! He just killed him??!!" but I wasn't sure, I was shocking myself. And then he walked up to me pointing it straight at my body and shot me twice and they went through my right arm in front of me and I dropped. And I just froze there on the ground not peeping a word like for one I'm in shock, and two he wouldn't shoot at me anymore like I was dead already... It's so bad, I know.. Then I woke up, and was sick to my stomach really. Later that day I thought up one of my aunts, whose son was shot on the street (in passing) and died in her arms right there, and she never got over it to this day she's not the same. Needless to say I never want to see this in my head ever again.. I got a taste of what she felt I'm supposing. The very, VERY different thing here though is that out of all my years of having nightmares, I've never felt pain in them. This time is the first time my brain's signalled pain in 'my arm' in the nightmare, and that's how I woke up. *sigh* This got me telling him about it, as well as my mother, and I was thinking that this really has got to be a manifestation in my subconcious of my stress and worries I've had about him as of late while concious. He's had a lot of battles he's been fighting, with us alongside with him, and he had left early the night before so quickly that I didn't get to rattle off all my sisterly rules for him to be safe, don't drive that night, e-mail when he gets to his shop, lock everything up, blah blah blah. Too much but I have to, I really do with him. We've been together usually all the time but work has gotten hectic with him lately and he is away for days at a time, and it's sad for all of us. I started telling him about the Freudian theories that I had begun to associate with this particular nightmare, and that I truley think I was correct. He felt horrible, and I knew that when my mother told me 'know why I had it and then I can move on from it, and it'll fade away' was absolutely right. But it would also be nice to know what the finer points alluded to, I'm wondering about them in part, maybe they're nothing all that big as well though. I couldn't drum up enough information on these specifics, but in curious passing I wanted to put it out here in case anyone ever comes across anything to do with it.