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Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 1:26 pm
by -JANIE-
Thought I would share the little msn chat I had with Acy last night.

We basically had a conversation on how we could best attract Michael's attention whilst in a crowd of some 200 people at the hotel tomorrow :D

It started out quite serious, but basically it ended in a complete free-for-all with downright stupid suggestions on how we might actually get INTO the Dorchester hotel, with both of us were laughing our asses off by the end of it.

I think I probably half scared Acy to death - she's probably thinking "OMG what have I let myself in for? This Janie is NUTZ!!" So you can sypmathize with the fact that she's got to spend a crazy day with a nutter like me tomorrow - these were some of my wacky ideas.

Please note: Obviously these are all completely in jest, and not serious suggestions!! :lol:

#1 Handcuffing Ourselves And Blowing An Air-Horn Method

Plan:
Make a dash for the hotel, storm the lobby, charge up staircase, handcuff ourselves to banisters, blow air-horn loudly. Tell angry hotel staff that we are staging a protest due to their attempt to stop Michael from waving from hotel window, and we will not move until Michael comes down and smothers us in kisses.

Note:
This idea was later rejected because:

a) We might get arrested.

B) Hotel staff might think we're really scary people and evacuate the hotel, and we wouldn't want Michael to get cold in the nasty British weather if he's only just got outa bed.


#2 The Japanese Westlife Fan Dumb Waiter Method
(Actually successfully completed by mad Westlife fan several years ago in Japan)

Plan:
Somehow enter dumb-waiter from Dorchester Kitchen area, and shoot many floors upwards in it to Michael's room in place of his dinner order.

Note:
This idea was later rejected for two reasons:

a) Dumb-Waiter is very small space, and Janie has very large butt, which would possibly hang OUT of the dumb-waiter on its way up past many floors to Michael's suite, so traumatising other guests.

b)Michael may open dumb-waiter, be confronted with Janies low-rise jean-wearing butt and sue the hotel for sending him up an uncooked 20lb turkey.

c) Dumb waiter may crash to basement when Janie gets into it.

d) Dumb-waiter is likely NOT to make it to Michael's suite carrying two people and we may suffocate between floors.


#3 The Ms. Goodison-Harper and Daughter Method

Plan:
Dress smart, walk five minutes away, hail a taxi. Get into taxi, ask for Dorchester Hotel. Taxi takes us to Dorchester. Stay in taxi - because we entirely expect that the doorman should open the door for us posh folks. Exit car, tip taxi driver, tip doorman in order to keep up appearances. Stalk into hotel, looking down our noses at everyone to make sure we look like we belong. Approach concierge.

Janie: [In highly affected British accent] "Good Afternoon. You have a reservation for Goodison-Harper?"

Concierge obviously would check reservation list, and then seem rather flustered in company of rather snooty British lady as he of course does NOT have a reservation for her.

(Obviously if concierge does have reservation in name of Goodison-Harper, plan would unravel terribly at this point - in which case we would immediately abort misson, blow air-horn loudly at concierge to stun him, and make wild dash across lobby to storm staircase instead).

Concierge: "I'm sorry Madam... we don't appear to have a reservation in that name."

Janie (rolls eyes, draws hand wearily over forehead, turns to look at Acy) and says (in highly affected british accent) "Ohhhh. Goodness me. I bet your father asked that numbskull secretary of his to make the reservation!!"

Concierge would obviously look embarrassed to see one of his guests fret in such a manner. More than likely at this point he would say, "Madam, we have many rooms and suites available..."

Janie: [In highly affected British accent] "Very well. Please allow me to remain on your good hospitality for one short moment - I must just telephone my husband to confirm that he is indeed expecting to find us here when he flies in from Hong Kong tonight. He's away on business, don't you know. May we take tea?"

At which point we would be ushered to The Dorchesters Promenade restaurant, where afternoon tea is served. Once having supped tea with our little fingers extended at exactly 90 degree angle to further cement our obvious air of good breeding and general british poshness, we would wait for opportune moment to slip up staircase in search of Michael.


Note: This plan was eventually rejected for two reasons:

a) Acy thought she might laugh upon hearing Janie's attempt at the "highly affected british accent".

B) Acy also thought she might really lose it when Janie scolded her for laughing by
saying "Acy, really dear! Don't cover your mouth when you laugh, it really is so common."

c) Janie cannot run after Michael in high heels


#4 Climb through Michael's bedroom window

Plan:
Scale Walls of Dorchester dressed in combat suits and using James Bond style rope/pulley system.

Knock on Michael's window, wave, and tell him we're afraid of heights and can he let us in, please.

This idea was rejected because:

a) Michael's suite is on top floor, and Janie really IS scared of heights.


#5 Swedish Masseuse Method

Plan:
Arrive at Dorchester in taxi. Smile sweetly at Concierge, and then tell him in convincing swedish accents that we are here to give "Mickey Mouse" a full body massage, and tap our noses to suggest secrecy.

If concierge appears horrified and suggests were imposters, act highly affronted and then ask him in very low tones if he really wants to suggest to the highly wealthy "Mickey Mouse" that ordering two girls to give a swedish massage is not in keeping with the behaviour expected of Dorchester Hotel guests.

This idea was rejected because:

a) We might end up in some smarmy business-man's hotel room and really have to give him a massage.


#6 Pregnant Janie Method

Plan:
Enter Dorchester Hotel with Janie adopting a walk rather like the waddle of a duck. On reaching concierge desk, Janie should put hands into small of back and push out stomach. Acy should inform the concierge that Janie is carrying Michael's fourth child, and he is expecting us.

This idea was later rejected because:

a) They might actually believe us and we doubt Michael would be very amused if Janie appeared on front of Tabloid newspaper in afore-mentioned hands in small of back pose.

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 1:35 pm
by HeavenSent
LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!! :lol:

You two are mad!

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 1:45 pm
by -JANIE-
So what you really mean Carla, is that youre sooooo glad you're not coming with us tomorrow? :D

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 1:45 pm
by Shannon
Ohh my goodness, Janie. :D You two are nuts :lol:

Amazing plans, though. I wouldn't dare putting one of them into reality :lol:

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 1:59 pm
by -JANIE-
Acy was so struck with the Goodison-Harper idea that at one point she was going to email the Dorch and ask them for their luncheon menu!!!!

She also told me she has a problem seeing Michael in a crowd because she's short. I told her she should get down on her hands and knees and crawl underneath the barrier... but couldn't think of an excuse for her to use at the time.

Now I think she should just crawl up to Michael whilst squinting at the ground, and on reaching his feet look up and say: "Oops! Sorry Michael, but I've lost a contact lense!"

:wink

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 3:11 pm
by QuietSoul
Janie... YOU ARE MAAAAAD! Hahaha.. that was fabulous! :biglaugh: Definitely try one of those.. if no volunteers to help, then I'm in. LOL

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 3:20 pm
by MJISHOT
flash yer boobs, that might work! :laugh

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 3:26 pm
by -JANIE-
Hm. Dunno if I should admit this, but I uh.. actually did that once.

It worked, too :D

It wasn't for Michael!!!

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 3:37 pm
by frozen rose
OMG! ^ You flashed your boobs!!! *faints* To whom may I ask?

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 3:50 pm
by -JANIE-
OOooh dear... now why did I go and admit to that?

It was the english football team in 1990 - they happened to be on their way to the World Cup and we were on the same motorway as them! Three of us girls in the back did it :lol:as we passed their coach.

It got us noticed anyway :lol: they all grinned from ear to ear!!!

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 3:53 pm
by InspirationMoonwalks
LMAO!!! :laugh Some pretty ingenious ideas there though, I must say :thumbsup There are easier ways to meet him, though..:lol: Just keep the faith...;)

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 4:50 pm
by MJISHOT
Janie you tart :laugh

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 5:08 pm
by moonball29
LMAO! :crackingu that was hilarious!

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 5:53 pm
by HeavenSent
Originally posted by JANIE
So what you really mean Carla, is that youre sooooo glad you're not coming with us tomorrow? :D
I've actually had some pretty damn good schemes of my own, so I have a feeling I'd fit right in. hahaha
My "wear a plant/bush costume and follow him whenever he goes" technique has a lot of promise, I think. :thumbsup
Now I think she should just crawl up to Michael whilst squinting at the ground, and on reaching his feet look up and say: "Oops! Sorry Michael, but I've lost a contact lense!"
Or....you latch on to his leg and pretend like you're a magnet. :thumbsup :thumbsup "Oh god Michael, I think I'm stuck to you! The horror!"

Method to the Madness - how to meet Michael

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 5:57 pm
by -JANIE-
Originally posted by HeavenSent
I've actually had some pretty damn good schemes of my own, so I have a feeling I'd fit right in. hahaha
My "wear a plant/bush costume and follow him whenever he goes" technique has a lot of promise, I think. :thumbsup


Or....you latch on to his leg and pretend like you're a magnet. :thumbsup :thumbsup "Oh god Michael, I think I'm stuck to you! The horror!"

"Michael, Michael... I'm so sorry, but I can do nothing!! Its your magnetism!!"

:lol: :lol: