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How do you feel about Michael Jackson? Got any info you want to share?

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oldschoolfan
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Post by oldschoolfan » Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:08 pm

I know how hard this all is for people, and for some i guess dealing with it is harder than it is for others. I have found that talking about it is making me feel a bit better, that I dont have that completely alone feeling so much. So I thought if people shared how they are feeling and thinking, and how they are coping, how you found out, whatever you want to share that will make you feel a bit better getting off your chest, even if it upsetting. And I guess a lot of the things going through our heads will be upsetting, but it doesn't mean it should be hidden.

And nobody needs to take a stab at anyone if someone is finding the situation REALLY hard, I know that some people have had things said to them by others because of how much it has really affected them. It is hard for me and everyone to hear and share.

For me personally it seems to come and go in waves, one minute I think I'm getting over it and I'll be okay, the next minute I burst into tears and go into the ugly cry. I really feel like a part of me has gone along with Michael. I have been listening to his music, the more upbeat stuff I can totally get into, TWYMMF, GOTF, TDCAU, BOW, but when I hear any songs from when Michael was a kid, or hear stuff like YANA and HTW I end up crying. At the same time it is as though his brilliance has become stronger afer death, I can see him and listen to him and think 'THIS is the person I admire, this is the legacy I will carry on, and I am glad'.

I think the thing I find hardest to think about is the fact he was so lonely, he spent his whole life just wanting someone to see him, even though he was so surrounded by people he was all alone. I can't stand the thought of how lonely he was, and that all he did was give, no matter how much, people wanted more, and he was still not good enough to gain respect, so many people just treated him like a pig, then expected more. I wish I could have had the opportunity to tell him he is not alone and that he needs to think of himself, instead of spending his life living up to others expectations. It makes me more upset that anything else.

I haven't eaten very much in the last few days, I have been so tired, and I have just lost interest in eveything. I really couldnt care less about things, I dont want to do anything, I just want Michael to come back.

Every little thing reminds me of him, if i laugh at something I think he will never laugh at a joke again, if I smell or see something or eat something I think about the fact he will never experience that again.

I cant stand the thought that when he woke up that morning that he didnt know it would be for the last time, and that the thing he feared would become the inevitable.

Everone says he will live on through his music, but I want people to remember him for the person he was, not just the music. And if there is life after death, I finally hope he has found the peace he searched for his whole life.
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Post by Maiky » Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:58 pm

That is what I hope, more than ever,
that Michael may rest in peace, and find the serenity he really deserves

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Post by Angel_Cake » Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:01 pm

[QUOTE=oldschoolfan;211587]I can't stand the thought of how lonely he was, and that all he did was give, no matter how much, people wanted more, and he was still not good enough to gain respect, so many people just treated him like a pig, then expected more.[/QUOTE]

That's so true.

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Post by sunshine.larrazabal » Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:14 pm

For me personally it seems to come and go in waves, one minute I think I'm getting over it and I'll be okay, the next minute I burst into tears and go into the ugly cry. I really feel like a part of me has gone along with Michael. I have been listening to his music, the more upbeat stuff I can totally get into, TWYMMF, GOTF, TDCAU, BOW, but when I hear any songs from when Michael was a kid, or hear stuff like YANA and HTW I end up crying. At the same time it is as though his brilliance has become stronger afer death, I can see him and listen to him and think 'THIS is the person I admire, this is the legacy I will carry on, and I am glad'.

I haven't eaten very much in the last few days, I have been so tired, and I have just lost interest in eveything. I really couldnt care less about things, I dont want to do anything, I just want Michael to come back.

Every little thing reminds me of him, if i laugh at something I think he will never laugh at a joke again, if I smell or see something or eat something I think about the fact he will never experience that again.

I cant stand the thought that when he woke up that morning that he didnt know it would be for the last time, and that the thing he feared would become the inevitable.

We have the same feelings, oldschoolfan, I cried a little earlier and then when I read your message.. I still can't believe that he is really gone forever.. :'(
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Post by Missy » Mon Jun 29, 2009 4:30 pm

oldschoolfan, my feelings are so similar to yours...

The pain comes in waves. I have a feeling that he's at peace and I can begin to accept things and not worry about him. But then the pain comes back and it really hits me hard! And then I feel this awful feeling of guilt that I could even contemplate moving on. And then I realise I can't and won't move on yet. I miss him like crazy!

I watched the Dangerous concert yesterday and only played the happy, dancy songs, and I loved it! I really felt like I was celebrating his life. But then a sad song like 'I Just Can't Stop Loving You' comes on and I can't bear to hear it. By the end of the concert I was in floods of tears. I won't even try to watch my copy of Private Home Movies or interviews I have because that's the 'real' Michael and I can't bear the thought that that man has gone...

I played his upbeat songs in my car today for the first time and I wound the window down and blasted his music! I wanted everyone to hear him lol! I just felt so unbelievably proud to be his fan. But at the same time I couldn't play any J5 or sad songs.

I start thinking, 'it's okay, he lived a good life, he enjoyed himself, he had his children, he was happy'. And then I come crashing down when people shove the headlines in my face (today was a great example) and I feel so sorry for the life he had, being isolated and misundertood. And then the tears come again.

I wish so badly that I could've 'saved' him. Not just from what has happened but just him... I wish I could've just held him and told him he was loved soooo much! But at the same time I know he knew that anyway.

I work with children and it was Michael who inspired me to do the job I'm doing. I feel so grateful to him for this. I love what I'm doing! I feel close to Michael because I understand the joy he gained from being with children. I feel the same joy. But then I feel awful that I'm able to be with these children and he can't anymore.
Every little thing reminds me of him, if i laugh at something I think he will never laugh at a joke again, if I smell or see something or eat something I think about the fact he will never experience that again.
I feel the same. Can't put it into words better thanthis, so forgive me for quoting.

I get angry when people just say he was a music legend. I get angry when people ask Michael's friends on TV to describe the man no one knew. They say he was a sweet, sensitive and friendly man. I get angry because I knew this side of him, even if it wasn't personally. I hate the fact that this side of him was ignored when he was with us and I want it to be recognised now! I feel my heart break when I think of how Michael must've known his image was being twisted, yet he still remained the wonderful man he was.

Sometimes I feel like this is the end. Yet I have moments when I have never felt closer to him and know he's out there somewhere. I wanna keep hold of that.

I'm really sorry for posting so much, but it made me feel so much better for getting this out.
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Post by Angel_Cake » Mon Jun 29, 2009 5:54 pm

I have a constant burning hurt in my chest. He's the last thing I think about before I go to bed and the first thing I think about when I wake up. In fact, when I wake up, it hits me like a brick all over again.

I'm finding that I have to avoid pictures, footage, music as it makes me sob. I watched Janet's tribute at the BET awards and did I cry after that.

Also I think it's easy to fool yourself into thinking that he's still alive. Because we never knew him personally and never had a physical presence of him in our lives, we don't expect it now. I'm not quite sure this is coming out right. So in a way, it seems strange to miss him so much and yet I miss him desperately.

I actually have no idea when I'll feel any better.

PS slightly off topic, Missy is that you in your siggy video? I love it, it makes me smile every time I see it :)

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Post by Saphster » Mon Jun 29, 2009 7:50 pm

Surprisingly I'm feeling pretty good right now. I might go teary eyed if something too emotional gets to me. But, other than that I''m fine. I know Michael would smile at me shining all his brilliant teeth and tell me, "Cheer up, don't be sad for me." if he ever saw me cry.
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Post by sweetiepie » Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:18 pm

I don't think it has really sunk in for me yet. Hearing 'man in the mirror' being played at the mall the other day made me cry, but other than that... he doesn't feel any less here than he previously was.

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Post by SpecialJanet25 » Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:22 pm

Right now, I starting to eat after starving myself for the past four days. I know its not good. I avoid the news channels because its too much for my heart and being a sensitive person it takes a lot of me. I do feel lonely like most of young life was because no understand me than Michael and Janet.
I have this heartbreak of a famous person since the tragic death of young singer Aaliyah in 2001.
Now Michael's untimely passing show me that no one should take anyone for granted because no one is promise tomorrow. Like Princess Diana, He will not be bother by photographers chasing him, take pictures of him or humilation he suffered during the trial. He is in a better place now. No matter what happens, we always be with him forever. God I love this man, he was my hero, my idol, and now my guardian angel in heaven.

Dara
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Post by Jackson829 » Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:28 pm

When I heard that Michael passed away after being confirmed on CNN last Thursday, I cried for nearly two hours straight. I was inconsolable! I never felt my heart being broken before. I hated it! I felt numb for the rest of the night. The next day, I was emotionally numb. I couldn't be happy. Its slowly coming back, but I know that there will forever be a missing piece in my life and in this world.

Overall, in these past couple of days a million thoughts have been going through my mind. I keep thinking that Michael is now in a better place, but then I think that this wasn't supposed to happen. I can't stop thinking about him during the day and at night my memorial for him is still going on. I'm re-reading his books, listening to his songs but so far every night since his passing, I've cried. Every night I've been crying, whether I mean to or not, but it just shows that I haven't gotten over his passing and I probably won't be healed for a couple of months. I'm getting better, but I'm not any better.

However, one thought has been consistent in my mind. I feel like now whatever I work for in my own future, I'm dedicated to Michael. He IS my official strength when I'm down in this crazy world. Each day I feel closer to him than ever before. This is becoming a natural healing process for me. Right now I'm ok but I know I won't be in a few hours.
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Post by danaluvsmj » Mon Jun 29, 2009 9:05 pm

You know, it's weird. When I think of what could've been and all the great things to come, that's when I break down.

But then, I get all cried out and I just feel numb.
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Post by charliecooper » Mon Jun 29, 2009 9:37 pm

I know I haven't posted much in this community, and when I did, I unfortunately tended to stir up arguments, but I just wanted to tell you guys how great this community is and how much of a help it's been.

These past few days have been surprisingly difficult. The first day I was mostly just in shock. I couldn't even wrap my mind around what had happened. The next night was when it finally hit me, and I couldn't stop crying for several hours.

Since then, it's sort of just been a dull undercurrent of pain which resurfaces every so often when I see or read something about him. I never thought that someone I never met would affect me in such a deep way. It's been a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I know it'll get better with time.

I wish I had de-lurked earlier, but in any case, you guys should know that you're awesome. :)
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Post by oldschoolfan » Mon Jun 29, 2009 9:51 pm

[QUOTE=Missy;211619]
I'm really sorry for posting so much, but it made me feel so much better for getting this out.[/QUOTE]

You can post as much as you want! That's the whole reason I started this thread, so you can share all you want about how you are feling. Nobody can mourn someones death all alone, we need to be there for each other.
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oldschoolfan
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Post by oldschoolfan » Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:00 pm

[QUOTE=Jackson829;211646]When I heard that Michael passed away after being confirmed on CNN last Thursday, I cried for nearly two hours straight. I was inconsolable! I never felt my heart being broken before. I hated it! I felt numb for the rest of the night. The next day, I was emotionally numb. I couldn't be happy. Its slowly coming back, but I know that there will forever be a missing piece in my life and in this world.
[/QUOTE]

Man I wish I could have cried when I initially found out! I had to keep myself composed until I got home, which was about 7 hours later, and the radio was playing non stop the whole time, all Icould here was 'Michael Jackson has died, Michael Jackson has died', people calling up the raido station crying, and playing all his songs. It was the most tourture I have ever experienced. and I knew I had to compose myself because once I cied I couldnt stop, and the next day I felt like like I'd cried so much that I couldnt cry anymore, which was wrong! I feel right now that I don't need to cry anymore, but I KNOW I will.
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Post by Saphster » Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:17 pm

[QUOTE=SpecialJanet25;211645]Right now, I starting to eat after starving myself for the past four days. I know its not good. I avoid the news channels because its too much for my heart and being a sensitive person it takes a lot of me. [/QUOTE]


Me too! I only ate about 1 time a day since he's passed...I did not eat at all on Friday though, just about 1 cup of cereal. Food just didn't have a taste for the first few days....

I was so depressed yesterday (sunday) I just hated being at work and being around PEOPLE in general. I got snappy with customers and as a result of not eating I kept feeling fatigue and dizzy. I've lost about 3-4 pounds....I try to eat more though. Right now I ate a good amount that would normally fill me up but since I haven't been eating enough I'm still hungry..:lol
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\\\"My fans are still there. They still love me. They\\\'re alive.\\\" -Michael Jackson.

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