Guy, I need you..

[HeGivesMeButterflies*]

When I first found our that MJ died, I didn't react. I guess it just didnt sink in. I didn't want it to sink in so I held in my emotions. I secretly shed a few tears during the memorial but I still held back.

I guess I never let myself grieve..well, now I'm feeling it and I can't breathe. My chest hurts, I'm hysterical.

It has been such a bad year for me, so much happened, nor regarding Michael Jackson and I'm just falling apart. I went out shopping with my little brother and we ended up having an argument over something silly and I just broke down right then and there. I had to control myself because I didn't wanna look like some mad maniac, but I'm definitely feeling it now.

I'm home alone and I don't know what to do. As soon as I walked into my room, this was playing..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6P559-Zji0

...and I just broke down like never before.

I need you guys. I want my baby back.

I am SO sorry if this comes across as attention-seeking. I genuinely need your help. I don't think I've ever felt like this before. I've never been so unfortunate as to loose someone so dear to me.

I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanna read :-\

 

[candles]

Hey girl, just know and believe that God does everything for a reason. I'm surprised I haven't cried yet today. Probably cause I kept myself busy but I might by the end of the day.

Just know that he IS in a better place, although it hurts (oh great here goes i'm crying) but he's looking down on us now along with our Father in Heaven. Along with everyone we've loved and lost. I don't think they would want us to be sad. Celebrate his life. Even though his life was very painful, Michael was STRONG and made something of it, made so much of it.

I know it's hard, but just be thankful that we were indeed blessed and now we have to let the Lord have him. He has to rest also because the world was just doing too much. And we have to also pray for his family and children and believe that there is something great in store for them. Before leaving Michael touched them probably more than all of his fans cause like someone on this board mentioned, he was a brother and a father and a son to them before he was MJ to us, so let's celebrate that he was able to raise three gorgeous kids. That he was raised by a great mother. That he blessed each and every one of us with his talent because he could have easily kept it to himself. That he SMILED even in the face of hardships. None of us ever heard Michael scream or curse or yell when he had EVERY RIGHT to. In fact, I wanted him to scream and lash out. This will sound bad but I wanted him to even tell us to leave him alone sometimes because everyone wanted so much. But even then, he NEVER pushed us away, so keep him alive in your heart. Even after all the ugly side of the world had put him through, even through being ill and whatnot, he was strong and through him we need to learn to be strong.

Oh yeah sorry to sound very riligious hehe. But yeah, I went through a real chaotic week that Carla and the people who responded to my post when I revealed my true feelings of how I was dealing with this really helped me through a lot but even if I signed on I wasn't even able to say anythign on the board. I had to take a break and I vowed not to come on here on the board but I realized that the people who frequent the board are a reflection of his strength and I realized my running away from dealing with MJ is partially running away from my problems. And I don't feel it's fair after how all of them helped me.

And thank you for coming to us and believing in us. Please don't apologize for your honest feelings. This year has been a rocky one for all of us even besides what has happened with Michael but things WILL get better.

And if you need to let it out...let it all out! That is the painful way but the best way. If you keep it pent up it will constantly eat at you for long periods

 

[HeGivesMeButterflies*]

Hey girl, just know and believe that God does everything for a reason. I'm surprised I haven't cried yet today. Probably cause I kept myself busy but I might by the end of the day.

Just know that he IS in a better place, although it hurts (oh great here goes i'm crying) but he's looking down on us now along with our Father in Heaven. Along with everyone we've loved and lost. I don't think they would want us to be sad. Celebrate his life. Even though his life was very painful, Michael was STRONG and made something of it, made so much of it.

I know it's hard, but just be thankful that we were indeed blessed and now we have to let the Lord have him. He has to rest also because the world was just doing too much. And we have to also pray for his family and children and believe that there is something great in store for them. Before leaving Michael touched them probably more than all of his fans cause like someone on this board mentioned, he was a brother and a father and a son to them before he was MJ to us, so let's celebrate that he was able to raise three gorgeous kids. That he was raised by a great mother. That he blessed each and every one of us with his talent because he could have easily kept it to himself. That he SMILED even in the face of hardships. None of us ever heard Michael scream or curse or yell when he had EVERY RIGHT to. In fact, I wanted him to scream and lash out. This will sound bad but I wanted him to even tell us to leave him alone sometimes because everyone wanted so much. But even then, he NEVER pushed us away, so keep him alive in your heart. Even after all the ugly side of the world had put him through, even through being ill and whatnot, he was strong and through him we need to learn to be strong.

Oh yeah sorry to sound very riligious hehe. But yeah, I went through a real chaotic week that Carla and the people who responded to my post when I revealed my true feelings of how I was dealing with this really helped me through a lot but even if I signed on I wasn't even able to say anythign on the board. I had to take a break and I vowed not to come on here on the board but I realized that the people who frequent the board are a reflection of his strength and I realized my running away from dealing with MJ is partially running away from my problems. And I don't feel it's fair after how all of them helped me.

And thank you for coming to us and believing in us. Please don't apologize for your honest feelings. This year has been a rocky one for all of us even besides what has happened with Michael but things WILL get better.

And if you need to let it out...let it all out! That is the painful way but the best way. If you keep it pent up it will constantly eat at you for long periods

Thank you soo much for your wise words. You have given me exactly what I needed..love and understanding. I know for a fact that Michael is in a better place, I just wish the world had shown him more respect in return for all that he gave the world. He lived to please his fans and to better himself.

But yeah, thank you so much for caring I'll be fine, as long as I keep in mind that he's in a better place :cloud9

 

[DirtyDiana87]

HeGivesMeButterflies*

It's okay that you posted this. We all are still greiving for Michael. I still can't believe that he is gone either. If you ever need to talk just know that we're here for you. *HUGS*

 

[Saphster]

I'm sorry to hear that. Everyone grieves differently. I understand you on the life part. I'm going through a trial of financial issues, mental issues, and physical issues. I'm probably not in the best of health right now...

I didn't cry for HOURS after Michael died. I didn't want to accept it. I've sort of accepted that he's not here anymore. I was so angry with Michael himself that he left. I blamed him for leaving for a long time. Then, I was bitter. Bitter at all these people suddenly realizing how amazing and wonderful he truly was, going out buying his albums like they just came out, watching his films, talking about how great he was. I'm over them now.

Now, I just want to see someone pay for his death. It was not his fault. He didn't intend to die, not now, not like this. Michael had plans. Someone ruined them. But, I guess I can't argue either because everything is in God's hands. Maybe he thought it was time to bring Michael back home. Where he can't suffer anymore...just maybe...

 

[HeGivesMeButterflies*]

I'm sorry to hear that. Everyone grieves differently. I understand you on the life part. I'm going through a trial of financial issues, mental issues, and physical issues. I'm probably not in the best of health right now...

I didn't cry for HOURS after Michael died. I didn't want to accept it. I've sort of accepted that he's not here anymore. I was so angry with Michael himself that he left. I blamed him for leaving for a long time. Then, I was bitter. Bitter at all these people suddenly realizing how amazing and wonderful he truly was, going out buying his albums like they just came out, watching his films, talking about how great he was. I'm over them now.

Now, I just want to see someone pay for his death. It was not his fault. He didn't intend to die, not now, not like this. Michael had plans. Someone ruined them. But, I guess I can't argue either because everything is in God's hands. Maybe he thought it was time to bring Michael back home. Where he can't suffer anymore...just maybe...

Thanks for understanding what I'm going through Saphster hunni. I guess we're kinda all on the same boat right now. I think that once the funeral goes ahead, I'll be able to fully accept that he's gone, because right now he's still out there somewhere. Still on this earth. But once he's finally buried (I hate this word!), I guess I can move on to concentrate on that so-called doctor.

I understand your anger. I feel angry with the world. I feel angry with everyone around him for not helping him and I feel angry with all his "yes" people. In fact, I'm furious with the lot of them. But I strongly believe that God wanted him closer to him. I believe that God wanted to put him out of his misery..so I believe that he's in a better place :cloud9

HeGivesMeButterflies*

It's okay that you posted this. We all are still greiving for Michael. I still can't believe that he is gone either. If you ever need to talk just know that we're here for you. *HUGS*

Thank you so much darling *HUGS*

I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for you guys!

I just realised that I wrote "guy" instead of "guys" in the title!

*edit*

Oh, and call me Rosa, Heather

 

[Missy]

In all honesty, I feel I'm rubbish at finding the right words to give any sort of comfort, even though I totally understand what you are going through. But I'll try...

Don't feel bad for having these emotions, embrace them and let them out! I struggled to express anything except shock and denial on the day this all happened. Since then I've been angry at the people who are reponsible, had panic-attacks in the night from nightmares about this whole thing and felt utterly heartbroken throughout. I still have a lot of days when the tears come, and there are usually a lot of them. But coming here and talking to people like you help a lot! Don't be afraid to pour things out when you need to because we all understand. I hope you find the same comfort here that I do. And just remember Michael is never truly gone as long as he is in your heart.

 

[HeGivesMeButterflies*]

In all honesty, I feel I'm rubbish at finding the right words to give any sort of comfort, even though I totally understand what you are going through. But I'll try...

Don't feel bad for having these emotions, embrace them and let them out! I struggled to express anything except shock and denial on the day this all happened. Since then I've been angry at the people who are reponsible, had panic-attacks in the night from nightmares about this whole thing and felt utterly heartbroken throughout. I still have a lot of days when the tears come, and there are usually a lot of them. But coming here and talking to people like you help a lot! Don't be afraid to pour things out when you need to because we all understand. I hope you find the same comfort here that I do. And just remember Michael is never truly gone as long as he is in your heart.

You say you're rubbish at finding the right words to give any comfort but you found them! And you did a great job as well, I find that I feel understood here..like you said, you all understand me. Thank you so much for giving me so much comfort Gemma!

 

[Missy]

You say you're rubbish at finding the right words to give any comfort but you found them! And you did a great job as well, I find that I feel understood here..like you said, you all understand me. Thank you so much for giving me so much comfort Gemma!

Awww, you're welcome, Rosa. I'm really happy my words meant something, especially because you guys/girls on here help me cope with my feelings. Keep smiling, sweetie!