I really need some advice

[Cristine87]

So, this has been bothering me all day so I decided to ask the girls(guys can jump in here if they want to also) of MJEOL. So, it's like this: I recently got back in touch with an old friend of mine from high school and he really liked me then and he still likes me now. I think he's a really nice guy and any girl who eventually gets with him will be a very lucky girl, but the problem is I don't feel the same way. He's a great guy but I'm just not that in to him. I told him a week ago that I wasn't looking for a relationship, which is true. I just want to be single and date different people, I'm not looking for anything serious. We, of course, got in to this big discussion about relationships and how I shouldn't close myself off, etc., etc. Friday, he called me. I put my foot in my mouth by saying I was off from work on saturday and then he asks me if I wanted to do something. I didn't know how to get out of it so I said we could go have a bite to eat at a Cuban restaurant. Well, I thought it was innocent enough but then he seemed so eager and happy and said little things that had to do with the future like meeting mom, etc. and I felt bad cause without meaning to, I felt like I led him on by letting him take me out. The end of the night was awkward cause I felt like he was expecting a kiss or something. Ugh, what have I done? Why did I let him buy me dinner? HOW DO I LET HIM DOWN GENTLY? HELP!!!!!!!!!

 

[Saphster]

*sigh* You shouldn't of said yes! LOL I've gone through similar situations...going through something like that right now actually. Just tell him. Just tell him you ARE NOT looking for anything serious and that you just are not into him and you don't want to lead him on.

You just went out to eat with him "as a friend'' nothing more.

Don't accept meeting mom just yet. That has to come WAY after the fact...

 

[Cristine87]

[quote name="Saphster"]
Don't accept meeting mom just yet. That has to come WAY after the fact...
[/quote]

Yeah, I know! I couldn't believe he even mentioned that!

 

[Palmyra]

Talk to him like you would talk to a friend and do stuff with him that you would do with friends (e.g., go with several people so that it doesn't look like a date).  That should give him the friend signal and that it isn't anything more.  I don't know if this idea would actually work, but I am interested to know whether it would.

 

[oldschoolfan]

Perhaps you could explain the truth, that you didn't realise what he was expecting, and tell him that you are really flattered about it all (even if it's not really the case) and that you are really embarrassed and feel terrible that this has happened, but you would still love to be friends with him. Sometimes guys just need to be told straight out, but if you explain it in sympathetic way it will be easier on him. I've found that being civil about it you can end up having an adult conversation about the whole thing without that teenage 'eeeeh as if' thing. I had a friend have a crack while we were watching a movie once and it was SO awkward, I just wanted to die on the spot. But when he was taking me home he apologised and we talked about it like it was no big deal, it make the whole thing a lot easier to deal with.

I dunno if any of that will help you at all...

 

[Cristine87]

Thanks for the advice. So tell me why I told him all this again today and his response is "That doesn't mean I can't change your mind". Wow, some people don't get it

 

[Palmyra]

It's not that he doesn't get it; he is reading you wrong.  Some girls appear to be disinterested at first, but eventually change their minds, and he thinks it may work with you.  If he doesn't try, he'll never find out.  If he does try, at least he tried. 

 

[Cristine87]

I don't want him to get hurt or disappointed though. He even told me that he'd wait for me to come around. I think he just really wants someone and he figures he's been single this long so he has nothing to lose by waiting. I've decided not to go out with him anymore and distance myself a little bit, cause if I keep hanging around him, it's just gonna make things worse!

 

[Saphster]

[quote name="Cristine87"]
I don't want him to get hurt or disappointed though. He even told me that he'd wait for me to come around. I think he just really wants someone and he figures he's been single this long so he has nothing to lose by waiting. I've decided not to go out with him anymore and distance myself a little bit, cause if I keep hanging around him, it's just gonna make things worse!
[/quote]

That's the part that I hate. Distancing yourself. It feels bad and wrong when you do it but it's like...what other choice do I have? He's not taking a 'no.' Like Palm said he thinks you might 'come around'. I say just do what you're comfortable doing. If you feel better distancing yourself from him then do so. You don't have to hang out with him if you don't want to. Let the cards fall and see what happens.