brittanyann2009
New member
Ok guys so i wanted to share this. I've been experiencing some weird things since michael left us, i've grown closer to him in a way and i really feel like im truly in love with him. i want to share this because i know you guys will understand me but some of these things are so weird and really make me think. i believe in God and i believe in spirits.. and i believe michael's spirit has visited me more than twice.. but lately things like this have been happening and i was talking to my friend on msn as i was listening to michael's speech about healing the kids at oxford in 2001, and its when his inspiring words made me feel sad and then incredibly my mood changed, look at my friends coversation with me about it all and tell me if you think i'm crazy. but i feel so in love with him it's driving me nuts that this is all happening.
awww
courtneyy
his whole speech is about children and their right to have a proper childhood and be loved and stuff and he was telling bout this boy he met when he was doing the bad tour and he was dying of cancer, michael gave him one of his jackets he wore in one of his videos and he also gave him one of his rhinestone gloves which he never gives to anyone... n he said the boy was just in heaven... thats so
sweet
omg
and he continnued to say "and maybe he was already too close to heaven, because when i came to his town, he had already died, and they had buried him in the jacket and the glove" aww
he was just 10 years old
i love this : "If you enter this world knowing you are loved, and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything thats in between can be dealth with." thats a quote from his speech
u should listen to this speech courtney.. u can stilltalk on msn u dont have to watch it it just has the words on the screen as he talks
it really explains his lvoe for children and where that lies and why
the way he is talking really feels like me in a way cuz of how my parents treated me and how i turned to my stories to give me comfort that they didn't... and my thoughts about my crushes he says in there that the kids ween themselves off the need for love and could care less abou their parents and are left to their own devices, they cherish their independence.
your prly not reading any of this. even tho im typing it all out
Courtney says:
sorry
i was reading a story
lol
-*brittany*- says:
he says "forgive your parents. forgive them and teach them how to love again"
aww im gonna cry
michaels almost crying here talking about how his father treated him
Courtney says:
awww
-*brittany*- says:
aw poor baby
he is crying as he's speaking
now he's just crying
Courtney says:
-*brittany*- says:
i really want u to hear this
he never told michael he loved him
Courtney says:
thats not right
-*brittany*- says:
omg
"there was once.. when i was about four years old. there was a little carnival outside and he picked me up and put me on a pony, it was a tiny gesture, probably something he forgot five minutes later. but because of that one moment i have this special place in my heart for him, because thats how kids are... the little things mean so much.. they mean so much.."
he only experienced it one time
Courtney says:
awww
-*brittany*- says:
he was such a good father to them because of how he was
he was wanting to give his children an average childhood, and he didint want them to be stalked by papparazi so he said he needed to protect them.. thats why he covered their faces.. and now looks whats happening after hes gone..
Courtney says:
yeah i know
-*brittany*- says:
his father was scared of human emotion
Courtney says:
most people that are like that are
-*brittany*- says:
michael was talking about how he had a sweet tooth when he was little boy and his sweet tooth he had for glazed doughnuts and every once and a while he'd come downstairs and there would be a bag of glazed doughnuts on the counter that his dad left because he knew that... but he didn''t ever say anything about. michael said he was scared of mentioning any thanks or joy because then it might not -
ever happen again. he said it felt like christmas to him, and that his father always did it at night when no one noticed him with his guard down
thats so sad but sweet
Courtney says:
yeah
-*brittany*- says:
now im on the last part
i love this.. i'm learning so much more about michael as himself and not as an artist.. and its only making me feel that much closer to him... listening to his voice really calms me and i feel him here with me when i focus on things like this... cuz i let his voice speak to my heart and i let my heart speak to him sometimes. i know that really sounds cheesy, but u prly know that its true. i've
never felt this way about anyone before...
Courtney says:
you are in love woman
lol
-*brittany*- says:
i know. and its only getting more deep as the days go by after his death. cuz everyday i see something that makes me heart flutter and sometimes i look at the sky when im walking and say something to him in my head. it's just a immediate thing i don't really think about but i just know he hears me. something tells me that... and this sucks cuz im more closer to michael it feels, than i was ever -
close to God who i'm suppose to feel this way about but im focusing my attention in that way on michael and it really makes me feel bad... like im doing something wrong.. but i just can't help it
hes talking about the columbine shootings
he is so caring and so forgiving its so unbelievable that he is so strong feeling about it and i really love that about him. i dont think i will ever meet anyone as spectacular as i believe he is. i should just shut up now. stop me if im annoying you with this feeling crap.
but no one else will seriously listen to me about it.
his speaking is really inspirational
omg
my whole body has shivers at the end of it.
heres part one if u choose to listen to him http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzIQlVSH8GU
it really moved me.
i wish my parents knew what i missed out in my late childhood *being teased and having them drink* and my early-mid teen years that neglect that i felt, and still feel.
Courtney says:
yeah
that feeling must really suck
-*brittany*- says:
now im just listening to vanilla twilight and laying down and realy thinking. i just started crying for like almost a minute then something grabbed me at my stomach and said no and i can't cry. cuz i'll get into that hating myself stage and be so down i'll think stupid ****. but i desperately have the need down in me that i need to cry. i haven't cried in a long time (well disincluding the time
when mom took away my ultimate collection) but im trying to trigger that crying sensation cuz i need to let it out
my heart is racing and its making me sick
Courtney says:
-*brittany*- says:
i cant cry. something keeps putting this image in my head of me laughing and telling me to go on youtube and watch michael and laugh and be happy and i can't for some reason get there. its really strange. but i wish i had this when i was younger and dying in my room crying so much. i wish i had this pull at me to do something else to not let me cry. im being totally serious courtney u prly dont -
believe me but what if michael is in my room, watching me, hearing my thoughts, chanting at me NO don't feel that way, don't cry, do this.. do this... i love you do this.. i just keep shivering. like last night when i told u got goosebumps and felt michael's presense i do now but its different... it's so weird. u prly think i need help.
maybe i should watch michael and eat my m&ms the chocolate will help me feel happy lol
Courtney says:
lol
-*brittany*- says:
im in an in between stage now because of that tugging at me do you believe me? like know what i mean what i'm trying to say?
Courtney says:
yeah
i know how it feels to be in love
-*brittany*- says:
yeah but thats not what im talking about
im talking about just feeling his presence n really its prly him chanting at me not to feel this way to cheer me up and its really powerful to me
i just turned and laid on my back and closed my eyes and was thinkng about the relationship status thing again that i've talked to youa bout before and again i got that numbing goose bumpy tingly feeling all thruout my body. maybe its all in my head, but i like to think otherwise.
dude. i keep laying down on my floor by my comp and closing my eyes as im listening to owl city and imagine michael laying with me, running his fingers lightly over my body, not sexually just like really lovingly and carressing like and i keep getting this thought and feeling that he is doing it and i just can't feel it n that he whispered in my ear he loves me.. and i just was thinking abotu that
and now im like extremely tired.
its really really weird.
i know i prly need medicinal help cuz im prly going insane, right?
Courtney says:
no
-*brittany*- says:
i wanna type up what im feelingn on mjeol but i dont want to at the same time..
Courtney says:
you can't help how you feel
-*brittany*- says:
i know
and like ive kept saying its only grown and ive only gotten closer to him since he's left, maybe he really has been visiting me as much as my mind is telling me he is.
Courtney says:
he could be
-*brittany*- says:
i really believe god is real. and all this spiritual stuff is real now that he's gone and i've been experiencing all this. god knows how i feel, he knows my thoughts... and he knows how much i use to love michael and how much i do now even more so and maybe since he has michael up there with him now he's sending him down here to help me through it, hense how i haven't been able to cry about him
being gone yet
its weird. in 5 days it will be a month....
Courtney says:
wow
-*brittany*- says:
yeah
omg
ya i've been feeling all thsi and typing all this while ive been listening to owl city and this song just made me like think about it all and about michael what a coincidense this one plays... just this verse here omg.
If we could sit together a moment
And talk forever just to pass the time
I would smile as the shivers and chills run down my spine
With your eyes are locked on mine
Oh we will fill the metro skies with country air
And when you close your tired eyes I'll meet you there
I'll meet you there
Again! If we could just be immobile for some time
And finally figure out the way we feel
About the missing puzzle pieces and cloudy question marks
It still looks a bit surreal
Oh I tend to disappear here and there
So concentrate and you'll feel me everywhere
And well feel the metro skies with country air
If you're lost when you close your eyes I'll meet you there
godddd
this is fkin weird courtney
it reminds me of the movie "ghost" with patrick swayze
cuz i feel so strongly for michael and all this fkin ugh weirdness! lol
Courtney says:
lol
-*brittany*- says:
idk how to explain all this but i've tried my best. thats what my head is telling me though
im srsly a freak.
Courtney says:
no ur not
-*brittany*- says:
now i can't stop listening to this song.
did u read those lyrics??
-*brittany*- sends:
-*brittany*- says:
u have to hear it
Courtney says:
lol
-*brittany*- says:
see i like this now im focusing on this love thing... its happier... and maybe it was the god-ly coincidense that this song came on and made me feel this way all of a sudden after the down way i was feeling... u think? god im so like flabberghasted lol yes thats a word
time for chocolate
Transfer of "Owl City - I'll meet you there.mp3" is complete.
Courtney says:
ur a dork
-*brittany*- says:
mm
Courtney says:
lol
-*brittany*- says:
i could close my eyes, listen to this song, eat chocolate and as much as i feel michael in my mind, literally like be floating on air thinking of him laying on my floor
so concentrate and feel me everywhere....
Courtney says:
awww
-*brittany*- says:
that one fkin line is like chilling me
Courtney says:
did you know that chocolate has endorphins in it that make you feel love
-*brittany*- says:
in a good way. cuz i srsly do lay down and as ive been telling u i feel that and its so powerful.. and this is also weird cuz ive never had a death affect me and it just happens to be the person im desperately in love with that has to be the first death that affects me
lol
awesome.
then they're working
but i wasn't eating them before this
Courtney says:
lol
-*brittany*- says:
i just opened them
im saving our convo because i have to show kelsey what i mean and she can just read it and know
Courtney says:
ok
-*brittany*- says:
how do i save it>
Starting a Video Call with Courtney ...
End call (Alt+Q)
You have canceled the Video Call.
Courtney says:
idk
-*brittany*- says:
there is something cuz i did it w/ jake
Courtney says:
i have no idea how to do it
dude
i did this horoscope thing
and it said that i will have much success this year and i will gain wealth
-*brittany*- says:
lol
nice
Courtney says:
but i will be more accident prone and there might be indications of having surgery
-*brittany*- says:
omg
wanna no another coincidense that just happened
Courtney says:
whay???
-*brittany*- says:
its just a horoscope i wouldn't take it too seriously
ok
so
im eating these m&ms
and i wasnt eating them for a bit i set the bag down, and two m&ms were on the floor that came out of the back.. red and brown... and the brown is almost black.. and michael's fav colors r red and black....................
and those were the only two outside of the baag
isnt that something?
Courtney says:
weird lol
-*brittany*- says:
yeah!
awww
courtneyy
his whole speech is about children and their right to have a proper childhood and be loved and stuff and he was telling bout this boy he met when he was doing the bad tour and he was dying of cancer, michael gave him one of his jackets he wore in one of his videos and he also gave him one of his rhinestone gloves which he never gives to anyone... n he said the boy was just in heaven... thats so
sweet
omg
and he continnued to say "and maybe he was already too close to heaven, because when i came to his town, he had already died, and they had buried him in the jacket and the glove" aww
he was just 10 years old
i love this : "If you enter this world knowing you are loved, and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything thats in between can be dealth with." thats a quote from his speech
u should listen to this speech courtney.. u can stilltalk on msn u dont have to watch it it just has the words on the screen as he talks
it really explains his lvoe for children and where that lies and why
the way he is talking really feels like me in a way cuz of how my parents treated me and how i turned to my stories to give me comfort that they didn't... and my thoughts about my crushes he says in there that the kids ween themselves off the need for love and could care less abou their parents and are left to their own devices, they cherish their independence.
your prly not reading any of this. even tho im typing it all out
Courtney says:
sorry
i was reading a story
lol
-*brittany*- says:
he says "forgive your parents. forgive them and teach them how to love again"
aww im gonna cry
michaels almost crying here talking about how his father treated him
Courtney says:
awww
-*brittany*- says:
aw poor baby
he is crying as he's speaking
now he's just crying
Courtney says:
-*brittany*- says:
i really want u to hear this
he never told michael he loved him
Courtney says:
thats not right
-*brittany*- says:
omg
"there was once.. when i was about four years old. there was a little carnival outside and he picked me up and put me on a pony, it was a tiny gesture, probably something he forgot five minutes later. but because of that one moment i have this special place in my heart for him, because thats how kids are... the little things mean so much.. they mean so much.."
he only experienced it one time
Courtney says:
awww
-*brittany*- says:
he was such a good father to them because of how he was
he was wanting to give his children an average childhood, and he didint want them to be stalked by papparazi so he said he needed to protect them.. thats why he covered their faces.. and now looks whats happening after hes gone..
Courtney says:
yeah i know
-*brittany*- says:
his father was scared of human emotion
Courtney says:
most people that are like that are
-*brittany*- says:
michael was talking about how he had a sweet tooth when he was little boy and his sweet tooth he had for glazed doughnuts and every once and a while he'd come downstairs and there would be a bag of glazed doughnuts on the counter that his dad left because he knew that... but he didn''t ever say anything about. michael said he was scared of mentioning any thanks or joy because then it might not -
ever happen again. he said it felt like christmas to him, and that his father always did it at night when no one noticed him with his guard down
thats so sad but sweet
Courtney says:
yeah
-*brittany*- says:
now im on the last part
i love this.. i'm learning so much more about michael as himself and not as an artist.. and its only making me feel that much closer to him... listening to his voice really calms me and i feel him here with me when i focus on things like this... cuz i let his voice speak to my heart and i let my heart speak to him sometimes. i know that really sounds cheesy, but u prly know that its true. i've
never felt this way about anyone before...
Courtney says:
you are in love woman
lol
-*brittany*- says:
i know. and its only getting more deep as the days go by after his death. cuz everyday i see something that makes me heart flutter and sometimes i look at the sky when im walking and say something to him in my head. it's just a immediate thing i don't really think about but i just know he hears me. something tells me that... and this sucks cuz im more closer to michael it feels, than i was ever -
close to God who i'm suppose to feel this way about but im focusing my attention in that way on michael and it really makes me feel bad... like im doing something wrong.. but i just can't help it
hes talking about the columbine shootings
he is so caring and so forgiving its so unbelievable that he is so strong feeling about it and i really love that about him. i dont think i will ever meet anyone as spectacular as i believe he is. i should just shut up now. stop me if im annoying you with this feeling crap.
but no one else will seriously listen to me about it.
his speaking is really inspirational
omg
my whole body has shivers at the end of it.
heres part one if u choose to listen to him http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzIQlVSH8GU
it really moved me.
i wish my parents knew what i missed out in my late childhood *being teased and having them drink* and my early-mid teen years that neglect that i felt, and still feel.
Courtney says:
yeah
that feeling must really suck
-*brittany*- says:
now im just listening to vanilla twilight and laying down and realy thinking. i just started crying for like almost a minute then something grabbed me at my stomach and said no and i can't cry. cuz i'll get into that hating myself stage and be so down i'll think stupid ****. but i desperately have the need down in me that i need to cry. i haven't cried in a long time (well disincluding the time
when mom took away my ultimate collection) but im trying to trigger that crying sensation cuz i need to let it out
my heart is racing and its making me sick
Courtney says:
-*brittany*- says:
i cant cry. something keeps putting this image in my head of me laughing and telling me to go on youtube and watch michael and laugh and be happy and i can't for some reason get there. its really strange. but i wish i had this when i was younger and dying in my room crying so much. i wish i had this pull at me to do something else to not let me cry. im being totally serious courtney u prly dont -
believe me but what if michael is in my room, watching me, hearing my thoughts, chanting at me NO don't feel that way, don't cry, do this.. do this... i love you do this.. i just keep shivering. like last night when i told u got goosebumps and felt michael's presense i do now but its different... it's so weird. u prly think i need help.
maybe i should watch michael and eat my m&ms the chocolate will help me feel happy lol
Courtney says:
lol
-*brittany*- says:
im in an in between stage now because of that tugging at me do you believe me? like know what i mean what i'm trying to say?
Courtney says:
yeah
i know how it feels to be in love
-*brittany*- says:
yeah but thats not what im talking about
im talking about just feeling his presence n really its prly him chanting at me not to feel this way to cheer me up and its really powerful to me
i just turned and laid on my back and closed my eyes and was thinkng about the relationship status thing again that i've talked to youa bout before and again i got that numbing goose bumpy tingly feeling all thruout my body. maybe its all in my head, but i like to think otherwise.
dude. i keep laying down on my floor by my comp and closing my eyes as im listening to owl city and imagine michael laying with me, running his fingers lightly over my body, not sexually just like really lovingly and carressing like and i keep getting this thought and feeling that he is doing it and i just can't feel it n that he whispered in my ear he loves me.. and i just was thinking abotu that
and now im like extremely tired.
its really really weird.
i know i prly need medicinal help cuz im prly going insane, right?
Courtney says:
no
-*brittany*- says:
i wanna type up what im feelingn on mjeol but i dont want to at the same time..
Courtney says:
you can't help how you feel
-*brittany*- says:
i know
and like ive kept saying its only grown and ive only gotten closer to him since he's left, maybe he really has been visiting me as much as my mind is telling me he is.
Courtney says:
he could be
-*brittany*- says:
i really believe god is real. and all this spiritual stuff is real now that he's gone and i've been experiencing all this. god knows how i feel, he knows my thoughts... and he knows how much i use to love michael and how much i do now even more so and maybe since he has michael up there with him now he's sending him down here to help me through it, hense how i haven't been able to cry about him
being gone yet
its weird. in 5 days it will be a month....
Courtney says:
wow
-*brittany*- says:
yeah
omg
ya i've been feeling all thsi and typing all this while ive been listening to owl city and this song just made me like think about it all and about michael what a coincidense this one plays... just this verse here omg.
If we could sit together a moment
And talk forever just to pass the time
I would smile as the shivers and chills run down my spine
With your eyes are locked on mine
Oh we will fill the metro skies with country air
And when you close your tired eyes I'll meet you there
I'll meet you there
Again! If we could just be immobile for some time
And finally figure out the way we feel
About the missing puzzle pieces and cloudy question marks
It still looks a bit surreal
Oh I tend to disappear here and there
So concentrate and you'll feel me everywhere
And well feel the metro skies with country air
If you're lost when you close your eyes I'll meet you there
godddd
this is fkin weird courtney
it reminds me of the movie "ghost" with patrick swayze
cuz i feel so strongly for michael and all this fkin ugh weirdness! lol
Courtney says:
lol
-*brittany*- says:
idk how to explain all this but i've tried my best. thats what my head is telling me though
im srsly a freak.
Courtney says:
no ur not
-*brittany*- says:
now i can't stop listening to this song.
did u read those lyrics??
-*brittany*- sends:
-*brittany*- says:
u have to hear it
Courtney says:
lol
-*brittany*- says:
see i like this now im focusing on this love thing... its happier... and maybe it was the god-ly coincidense that this song came on and made me feel this way all of a sudden after the down way i was feeling... u think? god im so like flabberghasted lol yes thats a word
time for chocolate
Transfer of "Owl City - I'll meet you there.mp3" is complete.
Courtney says:
ur a dork
-*brittany*- says:
mm
Courtney says:
lol
-*brittany*- says:
i could close my eyes, listen to this song, eat chocolate and as much as i feel michael in my mind, literally like be floating on air thinking of him laying on my floor
so concentrate and feel me everywhere....
Courtney says:
awww
-*brittany*- says:
that one fkin line is like chilling me
Courtney says:
did you know that chocolate has endorphins in it that make you feel love
-*brittany*- says:
in a good way. cuz i srsly do lay down and as ive been telling u i feel that and its so powerful.. and this is also weird cuz ive never had a death affect me and it just happens to be the person im desperately in love with that has to be the first death that affects me
lol
awesome.
then they're working
but i wasn't eating them before this
Courtney says:
lol
-*brittany*- says:
i just opened them
im saving our convo because i have to show kelsey what i mean and she can just read it and know
Courtney says:
ok
-*brittany*- says:
how do i save it>
Starting a Video Call with Courtney ...
End call (Alt+Q)
You have canceled the Video Call.
Courtney says:
idk
-*brittany*- says:
there is something cuz i did it w/ jake
Courtney says:
i have no idea how to do it
dude
i did this horoscope thing
and it said that i will have much success this year and i will gain wealth
-*brittany*- says:
lol
nice
Courtney says:
but i will be more accident prone and there might be indications of having surgery
-*brittany*- says:
omg
wanna no another coincidense that just happened
Courtney says:
whay???
-*brittany*- says:
its just a horoscope i wouldn't take it too seriously
ok
so
im eating these m&ms
and i wasnt eating them for a bit i set the bag down, and two m&ms were on the floor that came out of the back.. red and brown... and the brown is almost black.. and michael's fav colors r red and black....................
and those were the only two outside of the baag
isnt that something?
Courtney says:
weird lol
-*brittany*- says:
yeah!