need to share something...

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oldschoolfan

New member
I need to share something with yall, I'm a little apprehensive, but I need to get used to sharing it.
I have issues with my appearance. Really bad issues. About a week ago I was told I most likely have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, a condition where sufferers stress about their flaws or perceived flaws so much that it becomes obsessive.
This is something I've had an issue with since I was about 12 years old, and now it's getting so bad that I am constantly thinking about having plastic surgery, checking my reflection in every window and mirror I come across, avoiding talking about my insecurities so people don't tell me otherwise, spending hours looking at photos of people to see how much better looking they are than me and what I need to change to look as good as they do.
I've never really talked about it as much as it stresses me because I know a lot of people complain about the fact they think they look bad to try and get compliments (people kind of have this obligation to tell you you're not ugly when you say you are). I don't believe people when they tell me and I definitely don't want to listen to bullshit comments that are just being said to make me feel better.
This is something that really bothers me, it does tie in with something else I am suffering- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. A lot of people with BDD suffer from mental health disorders too.

The reason I wanted to share with you guys is because I am apprehensive about talking about it, and I have to talk about it with my therapist when I see her next. So best to get used to it now.
In a few weeks I am seeing my therapist to get an official diagnosis, but until then I need to... accept that I have a problem. I'm a little embarrassed about it, so I hope yall realise this is hard for me to share.

Here's a link on BDD so yall can get a better understanding-

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder
 
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Teva

New member
I have a question. If you haven't seen the therapist yet, then you diagnose you? How do you know for sure that you have BDD?

BTW thanks for wanting to share with us.
 
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oldschoolfan

New member
Did you mean who suggested it to me? I opened up to someone who has this condition, and they said they really wanted me to get help because everything I was saying sounded just like them, they told me what it was, I checked it out to see what it was and look at the symptoms, and then got further advice on it over the last week, and now I'm going to see my therapist. I'm just apprehensive about talking to her about it (or anyone else really). I've kind of hid the fact I am extremely hung up on these things, and I'm a embarrassed to talk about it. So I'm not saying I know for sure, I kind of just want some support to get some courage before I speak to my therapist to get a proper diagnosis. I think I already know the answer though.
 
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OneMoreChance

New member
Oh Amy! My heart goes out to you sweetie! Talking with a therapist can be uncomfortable at first, but they do help in a big way. I'm bi polar and trust me when I say that they help. Even just having someone to talk to about these things. Someone who is impartial and will tell you the truth. Sometimes we need someone who won't put up with our crap and will call us out if we need it. Remember, your therapist is not your friend. Friends tell you what they think you want to hear as opposed to what you need to hear.

It's a long process, but you will begin to feel better! Thanks for sharing this with us!
 
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oldschoolfan

New member
Thanks Jen, I've actually been seeing my therapist since I was 11, so I already have a lot of comfort there and she knows me really well. But with this topic, there is something about it that just makes me feel so uncomfortable to talk about. Maybe I'm worried she'll comment on the way I look, draw attention to the way I look, or just sound plain old silly. I tried telling my mamma about it the other day, I just squirmed in my seat the whole time. :rolleyes:
 
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Teva

New member
[quote name="oldschoolfan"]Did you mean who suggested it to me? I opened up to someone who has this condition, and they said they really wanted me to get help because everything I was saying sounded just like them, they told me what it was, I checked it out to see what it was and look at the symptoms, and then got further advice on it over the last week, and now I'm going to see my therapist. I'm just apprehensive about talking to her about it (or anyone else really). I've kind of hid the fact I am extremely hung up on these things, and I'm a embarrassed to talk about it. So I'm not saying I know for sure, I kind of just want some support to get some courage before I speak to my therapist to get a proper diagnosis. I think I already know the answer though.[/quote]



Yes I meant who suggested it to you.

Well good for you in recognizing you have a problem and seeking help. I have fear of failure/success issues, but yet I will not get help.
 
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Saphster

New member
Girl.... I need to hit you on the head! :hitting

Maybe you're mirror is broke. That's why you clearly can't see how GORGEOUS you really are. I'm a girl and I think you're hot. What's up with that? And no that is not a bullshit compliment. It's the truth. But you probably don't believe it anyway right?

I remember watching this on MTV'S True Life and I was SO angry with this girl on the episode who was BEAUTIFUL. She thought she was ugly. I mean...she had olive skin, full lips, beautiful eyes, beautiful model body, long silky black hair, perfect shoes, perfect clothes, hair, etc and she was always complaining. She even got a nose job in the end and claimed she was happy. But only for about one month. She can't hold a job because she is always worried about her appearance. She dropped out of high school and still lives with her mom who pays for everything. Even paid for the nose job. She refuses to get help. She can't go out with her boyfriend because she thinks everyone is calling her ugly when really guys are constantly 'checking' her out. It was maddening to watch. She even put a little round jewel on her forehead so she and other people "would just notice the dot and not my ugly face."

Amy....if you are going through certain insecurities you really shouldn't. But we're here for you. We're here to listen. Just know that you need to listen to us too.
 
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LittleSusie50

New member
I admire the fact that you are seeking help, and that you were brave enough to share with us.
That alone makes you beautiful, period.
I hope things get better, but you are not ugly, so start wrapping your mind around that fact now woman!
Take care and God bless you!
Susie :respect :mjeol2
 
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Palmyra

New member
Amy,

I really don't know what to say, because regardless of what any of us say, you'll likely focus more on negative comments than positive comments. If you put more weight into criticisms about your looks, because you think positive comments about your appearance are our attempts at being polite, there's not much we can say. We can repeatedly assure you that you have nothing to worry about with regards to your appearance, but I worry you'll dismiss our comments.

Can you tell us why you give more weight to negative comments? What makes you think they are more valid than positive comments? If a million people told you that you look great and 500 people told you that you are ugly, who would you be more likely to believe? Most of us would believe the million people.

There's something in psychology called "confirmation bias." It's basically about people seeking out information that supports their viewpoint while ignoring information that contradicts their viewpoints. I suspect you first came to the conclusion that you are unattractive, and whenever you come across any evidence that "confirms" your conclusion (this "evidence" being magazines and TV), you accept it as fact while ignoring information that suggests you are attractive (this information being what we, your friends, and others say).

now it's getting so bad that I am constantly thinking about having plastic surgery, checking my reflection in every window and mirror I come across, avoiding talking about my insecurities so people don't tell me otherwise, spending hours looking at photos of people to see how much better looking they are than me and what I need to change to look as good as they do.
Click to expand...

I would say that you are comparatively unattractive if those images you see in magazines are accurate. The truth is that computers should be called beautiful, because 90% of the "beauty" you see in magazine is created by computers. That curvy body? Created by a computer. That smooth, shiny skin? Computer. Those long legs? Give me a few minutes with Photoshop and I'll make any legs look longer than they really are. Amy, you are competing with computers.

When compared with real human beings, including those professional models when they are off-screen and in real life, you look great. When compared to those images created by computers, Amy, you don't look great. You have to decide for yourself if you want to compare yourself to real people or computer-generated images.
 
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Saphster

New member
[quote name="Palmyra"]I would say that you are comparatively unattractive if those images you see in magazines are accurate. The truth is that computers should be called beautiful, because 90% of the "beauty" you see in magazine is created by computers. That curvy body? Created by a computer. That smooth, shiny skin? Computer. Those long legs? Give me a few minutes with Photoshop and I'll make any legs look longer than they really are. Amy, you are competing with computers.
[/quote]
Exactly.

No one is born with perfectly tanned (fake tanned I might add) skin, and light eyes, full lips, skinny body, nice boobs, muscles, nice sleek long hair, perfectly shaped eyebrows, small butt, shiny glossy skin, etc, etc
 
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oldschoolfan

New member
I don't actually compare myself to computer/magazine photos because I know they are bullshit. I am fully aware of photo editing because all my photos are edited too, light and colour changed, air-brushed, etc. So the comment of I'm not much compared to those air-brushed photos- well, doesn't make me feel much better.
I compare myself to regular people, in the street, friends, etc. I'll look at people standing near me and analyse if they have the same flaws I do, not to judge them, but to give myself comfort.
I saw my therapist the other day, it didn't get very far other than an official diagnosis. It took me 5 hours to get there and get back again, so I didn't make another appointment.
 
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