Revisiting Michael\'s death after I promised not to do this

[Palmyra]

Shortly after Michael died, I promised myself not to look into how or why he died. I was afraid that, if learned about how he died, I would try to come up with alternate scenarios that would have kept him alive.

Here's an example from the New York Times:

Dr. Murray met Mr. Jackson in 2006, when the singer’s daughter, Paris, became ill on a trip with Mr. Jackson to Las Vegas, Ms. Sevcik said. A member of the singer’s entourage knew Dr. Murray and called him in to treat her; he struck up a friendship with Mr. Jackson.

What if Paris never became sick when she was in Las Vegas? Michael wouldn't have met Dr. Murray.

What if Michael's entourage didn't know Dr. Murray? Michael would have gone to another doctor -- a different doctor who may have been more ethical.

I am forming all of these crazy questions. The craziest is this: What if Michael went to prison in 2005? He wouldn't have had access to Propofol in prison. Yes, I know this is a really crazy theoretical alternative, but I can't say I haven't been thinking about this. I would never want Michael to go to prison for something he didn't do, but at least it would have kept Michael alive.

What if I had broken into Michael's house and stolen all of his Propofol? This is a really dumb thing to say, but I think about it all the time.

What if I called the police on Michael and told the police that Michael was illegally using a medication? Michael would have been on trial for the medication, but at least he wouldn't have died from it. What if I threatened Michael with calling the police on him if he didn't give all of the Propofol to me?

I have to stop doing this or I will drive myself crazy (if I am not already).

 

[candles]

try searching for more positive things about Michael. Happier things. Try celebrate portions of his life that were happy. I know it's difficult especially at times like this but like you said, you will drive yourself nuts thinking of the what ifs...

 

[MJfan01']

I try not to think about the what ifs. It just depressing to me, but I don't blame you though. It's just so sad.

 

[LittleSusie50]

I hear you Palmyra.
I wish someone would have thrown it away every time he left.
Then played stupid when he asked about it.:idontknow
I would have.
Then he would have to have a conversation about it...
Ever heard of Tylenol PM or Ambien Michael?

 

[Saphster]

try searching for more positive things about Michael. Happier things. Try celebrate portions of his life that were happy. I know it's difficult especially at times like this but like you said, you will drive yourself nuts thinking of the what ifs...

I agree.

Just thinking "What if...?" will drive you insane. It's best to just stay clear of it right now. It's still very fresh. And who's to say Michael would have lived long in prison? For you to even think that Michael would have been safer in prison makes me angry! Do you have any idea what they do to child molesters or people who have been accused of child molesters in prison or jail?! He had a much higher chance of dying a more painful death in there! People get stabbed, beat, and raped in jail! Especially convicted child molesters.

 

[Missy]

Palmyra, really, don't think this way. You do need to get past these thoughts and celebrate Michael's life. It kills me that I couldn't help him, but I have to learn to accept it. Somehow.

The craziest is this: What if Michael went to prison in 2005? He wouldn't have had access to Propofol in prison. Yes, I know this is a really crazy theoretical alternative, but I can't say I haven't been thinking about this. I would never want Michael to go to prison for something he didn't do, but at least it would have kept Michael alive.

No, no, no! What happened to him is much kinder than him going to prison. Jail would have been a long, draw-out death sentence for him. Imagine being locked in there with people doing God knows what to you, knowing you won't be let out. At least Michael was free and with his children. He was happy (at least I believe he was - I have to believe he was). That's better than a jail sentence

His passing is still fresh and raw and I'm nowhere near accepting it. Don't feel you have to either. But just get past these thoughts; it's not worth it and won't change anything. I'm here if you want a PM chat.

 

[oldschoolfan]

We all have those thoughts, and yeah, it drives you nuts. What if Paris never got sick? What if he never met Murray? What if he never took those drugs? But, he did. And it happened. And it's too late. We ALL wish we could have saved him, told him what he was bringing himself into. The thing is, we can't.
Every bad thing happens for a good reason, and good WILL come of this eventually, even if it is just more respect for Michael.

 

[sunshine.larrazabal]

good WILL come of this eventually, even if it is just more respect for Michael.

This is one of my ultimate wishes that his NAME will be cleared from all allegations even if it didn't happen! I want the mass to finally realize and accept that Michael IS and was innocent from those awful, embarrassing allegations!! :1crying