As bad as this will sound...I really don't think we should be upset or blame anyone who has has ended their life in the last few days, we really shouldn't. For all we know, this event could have been the very thing that pushed these people off the edge. This must have been the final nail in the coffin so to speak. As someon who has been depressed I think I know a little about what I'm talking about.
Allow me to give you an example: imagine you are a young person who recently found a new job after a year and a half of searching. The job isn't the best in the world but when you start it, you're just happy for something. As time goes by, you start to notice things about the atmosphere of the job. You notice the clientele are rude, your boss patronizes you, your coworkers say to you all kinds of assinine and unnecessary things to you, but you are expected to grin and bear it all. You want to leave this job, but because of the mistakes in the auto industry and housing industry, you country(who happens to be Canada) goes through an economic recession...just as you start looking for a job. So you hand out resume after resume,hoping for something. You try retail stores as you now work in retail, you try jobs related to your college program, you try completely random things and nothing! So now you are stuck at this current job you hate...
The conditions in the job gave become worse. As a quiet person, you now go on tirades of swearing when relating to your job. You are absolutely envious of people with 9-5 jobs since your shifts end at 11:30 and depending on the whims of management, sometimes later. You always come home sore, tired and angry, most of the time in tears. You politely ask to borrow money from your family while you job hunt and intend to repay then when you are somewhere better. They will not hear of this, they say that enduring trials as this is part of being an "an adult", you come to resent these words, especially as your parents were insistant that you work at this specific job.
Now you are desparate to leave thus job. Being fired,quitting or being laid off...it's all the same to you now. You are envious of people who are jobless, people who get to enjoy their weekends, people who no longer have to work at this place that has vecome you personal hell. You are becoming desperate now....very much so. It is January you are back in college finishing your program of study, you are excited, hopefully you can cut your hours or just quit. An education is your ticket out of the dead end job you find yoursel at...or so you thought.
You ask your manger to work on weekends in the mornings so thar you can rest and study. They will not listen, they claim no one is "needed" in the mornings...not only that they want you to be available every day up till MIDNIGHT...you work your ass off in school despite all of this. So it continues, you work, go to bed at 3-5 in the morning, then have to be up and on campus to do your laboratory work, you keep telling yourself it will all be over when you get that diploma. Unfortunately, the diploma never comes. The lack of sleep causes you to make mistakes in the lab, you fail test and quizes. You fail your final exam because you studied the wrong information and were too tired to give your notes a second look...
Youve failed school and are stuck at a job you hate. You are distressed and distraught. Your family doesn't want to hear your "constant complaining" anymore. You are more frustrated and angry. Two years of your life have been wasted at this job! And no one is listening to you when you say you can no longer deal with the stress. You only seem to get a good sleep when you are sick from work and usually you are very sick...you constantly debate whether or not to return to school. What's the point? You can't find a job outside of the. Science field...why would you find one in it. You develop an eyelid twitch, you've gained 15 pounds and suicide is a very viable option to you now. Your thinking is "my life is slowly falling apart..." you are angrier and angrier with each day. You are an artist, you find yourself drawing progressivly more violent things related to work, you just want things to end...
Then one day a man in los Angeles dies. This man is a very special man, special to you and to many others. While you go through you ordeals, you listen to this man's words and his music. His music calms you and soothes you, perhaps, when this man sings, it is the voice of an angel you hear, but when he dances, you just know, God had possessed him. When things are rough, you think about this man and the things you share in common. You are both black, shy and quiet. You bothe have a passion for the arts and develop a certain confidence with the arts. In 19 of 24 years, you have come to love, idolize and respect this man. Last thursday, for reasons you still cannot understand let alone accept, this man left this world and you remain. You ask, you scream, you cry for an explaination at night. You ask God to take you instead as you are unimportant in the grand scheme of things. You remind the Creator that your life is falling apart, that you are slowly giving up on your dreams, so why this now? "I am one of 2 daughters, if one goes, you'll still have one left!" this justifies you wanting to take your life. It makes perfect sense, anything to bring him back! Your inspiration is gone, the last reminder that there are good people in the world has died and it has taken something from you with it. You are an empty shell now, you walk around with a smirk and watery eyes. Eyes that used to sparkle are now black and lifeless. You cannot and will not show your dimpled smile, it takes too much energy and hurts to do so. Your mother begs you not to let the events of Thursday change you from the caring, sensitive person you are. You give her a blank stare before breaking down and just sobbing. You have been been crying so much these past days...your mother tells you to draw, it gives you peace but you can't, you used to like having music, fill the room as your ideas went from pencil sketches to images you spend joyful hours colouring in Photoshop. But now, it is difficult getting our of bed. All the ideas you had of drawing him, they're dead. You sit in your bedroom in the dark, you have to take codiene painkillers just to sleep. You wander around your home in a daze, not sure if it's the painkillers at work or depression...you are more desparate than you have ever been in your life...
I truely believe that what I have described is enough to drive some to kill themselves. Sadly this lenghty example is about a real person who has worked at Walmart for 2 years and is desparate for a new job. Sadly the person is me and I'm at my wits end.